T

(written after scraping off my beard with

a sharp piece of steel)

with what big Prophet

clinging; clanging

making judicious claims

about coffee and vomiting

my obsessions

and the 28lb head of

Allen Ginsberg

blocking my esophagus.

and with lukewarm water

i can feel it coming but

i can barely stand

and everybody's knocking on the door

and walking in the door

and i can't have even one

moment to purge my digestive

system of something i

haven't eaten.

i can still feel the cold metallic

three-fingered hand scraping

every single hair off my

face by her bequest

every single hair off my

allenginsberghead.

\this head that i cannot

give or receive stuck

in my esophagus blocking

the flow and stopping the

feeling-- numbing

the whole of me

below my waist.

was i at a supermarket?

was i buying meat?

i can't even hold onto the

images of myself buying

the tanned hides of

animals

But some girl in a leather

jacket couldn't say what

she was saying

couldn't admit that she

was playing

cause there's a a difference

between a he and a she

and there's a

 Farmer's Market image of

me.

GRowing between the

Cabbages and Kale

living my life like a BroccoliCelery

sucking my MATRIMONY from the

warm brown earth.

before being packaged in plastic

and purchased for $3.95.

there's a bondage at play

and a bondage that's never seen the

light of day

and a man who can talk about

Princess Leia fantasies out loud

on television

and another old man on a bike

with red sox and black

converse and a judicious

stare for my mother.

Another step of a stair for my great

grand

          mother.

and an old woman with a face

like Gertrude Stein

with a mind so unlike mine

she lined that weather-beaten

farmhouse

until the day they discovered

 a Tibetan prayer bell

hiding in her basement

they're Kentucky proud and

 they're not pressing charges

leaving other Prouds

to clean up the damages

I gotta clean up after myself

(and before myself)

i just need to know where

to pour out my stomach

and

           who to make checks

  payable to.